I am not normally one to wax philosophical, but on occasion inspiration strikes and I write things like what you are about to read. I haven’t written an essay or anything similar in a while, so I’m a bit rusty and will most likely ramble a bit, but bear with me if you please.
If you are one of the few who read this blog, you may recall that when I established this blog at the beginning of 2016 I committed myself to blogging biweekly and listed several different projects that I had in mind to write about, none of which I, in fact, did blog about. I also failed, in rather spectacular form, to post anything close to the schedule which I had set myself. The reasons for this are manifold, but I wish to speak of a few.
Firstly, the original reason for the creation of this blog was to simply motivate myself to build and paint more models. Simply put, I struggle with a slight bit of depression (besides being just plain old lazy,) and though I love this hobby, oftentimes it’s simply too difficult for me to sit down and do the work it requires. I don’t work on my miniatures regularly, and my hope was that with a blog that would change. Unfortunately, the blog itself has not been a motivator, and even on the occasions that I did do work, it was easier to simply post a couple of pictures on Instagram (if that) and the Bolter and Chainsword (if applicable) and neglect the hard work of blogging.
Secondly, and this is the philosophical part I mentioned in my opener, I have not really found my identity yet as a hobbyist, as ephemeral and trivial as that might seem. Unlike many, I have only been involved with miniatures and Warhammer to any noticeable extent the past couple years (since late 2013, really) and have not yet quite figured out what my place in the hobby is. I want to do things in boutique fashion, and create wondrous, unique models not caring what they might represent in a game, but at the same time I want to be able to play the games Games Workshop creates and play out epic stories on the tabletop. I want to spend hours lovingly converting every model, but I also want to own massive armies of great warriors and be able reenact the Siege of Terra itself. I want my models painted in the style of John Blanche, but also in the cartoony style of the modern ‘eavy Metal Team and the hyperrealism that some hobbyists bring, when my skill level is hardly close to any of that. I want realism and sense in my models, like the Wiers of Between the Bolter and Me have, but I too desire over-the-top heroism and the macabre. I want it all, but I also don’t want to simply umbrella over all of it. That’s part of the reason I tend to jump between projects so much, in finding something that I feel most comfortable with, and that journey isn’t nearly over yet. Not even close. Perhaps it will never end completely, but I would hope for some stability in my personal view of the hobby.
Finally, there’s life outside the hobby. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a full-time student (though I’m not currently taking classes this summer) and while I don’t have a wildly active social life outside that, it exists. All of this means that I’m limited in both money and time for the hobby, which obviously has a negative impact on my productivity.
I’m not going to claim I’m sticking to any sort of clear-cut, defined schedule, because I won’t be. Blogging, as many of you know, isn’t easy, and me in my naiveté thought that it would be. I’ve said that I’ll do a schedule too many times and that hasn’t worked out before, and it wouldn’t now. However, I will try to blog more than I am now. No promises, mind, but when I do paint and model I’ll do my best to keep track of my progress more regularly. I don’t know when I’ll be able to do that, as the summer is a busy time for me, and then classes start again in the fall, but we’ll see what happens.